Crooked Diaries
by SMYGO4EVA
Summary: Oneshot. Fai/Kurogane. They wouldn't want to divulge in their pasts, so they wouldn't be considered weak or a threat.


Crooked Diaries  
By SMYGO4EVA

The thought of journaling and actually chronicling his adventures never really crossed Fai's mind. He didn't really feel the need to. He liked all of his thoughts either tucked nicely in his head, where he could easily decipher which ones to pay attention to, or voicing them when he felt it was necessary, such as giving advice and reassurance to Syaoran and Sakura, playing with Mokona, and goofing around Kuro-tan.

As always, there were things that he'd rather forget.

If he were to write them down, it would be unsettling. He knew that it would be a terrific release for all of his pent-up emotions, and to get the chance to finally get it out of his system would do wonders for his overall self, his psyche which had been crumbling slowly as time passed by the hands of the clock in his mind.

But…if someone found that journal…he would never forgive himself for the pain and worry that would eventually grab onto them, the paralyzed feeling that they would experience with every word, every gory detail that was written down, forever threatening their sleep and forever ruining them.

He would have done that.

He would have hurt them.

Good Lord…

What would Syaoran do?

What would Sakura do?

What would Mokona do?

What would…what would….what would Kurogane do?

It was all very unclear and all very uncertain.

No. Fai would not put his thoughts, his worries onto paper.

No.

It would be better if he just kept it inside.

That way, the only one getting hurt would be himself.

"Hey, wizard..."

The said magician was startled out of his train of thought and he spun his head around to see that the warrior of black steel staring down at him in his usually stern disposition, his burgundy eyes furrowed, his arms crossed.

Fai threw a familiar smile on his face.

"Yes, Kuro-puu?"

Kurogane's formerly composed demeanor broke in a millisecond.

"I told you to QUIT CALLING ME THAT!"

The magician giggled at the warrior's apparent rage and perplexity. "Whatever you say, Kuro-puu."

The beet red warrior gritted his teeth, trying really hard not to lose his temper, and took a deep breath through his nose to calm himself down. It worked.

"What are you doing?"

He motioned to the journal in front of the wizard. It was a rather simple one – a light blue with white edges. It was open. It was blank.

It was empty.

Fai looked at the journal. Noticing this, he replied, "Oh, nothing. I just found this at one of the shops we stopped by when we first arrived in this world. I don't know if I'm going to use it or not."

Kurogane raised an eyebrow. "So you bought a journal without knowing if you're going to use it or not?"

"I guess I did. Kind of silly of me, huh?" Fai said with a sheepish tone to his voice.

"Yeah… kinda…" Kurogane muttered under his breath.

"What's that?"

"Nothing."

"Oh. Ok."

There was a pause for a moment. A long moment. Then Kurogane finally said.

"You really know how to piss me off, don't you wizard?"

Fai had a speculative look on his face, tilting his head to the side and his eyes as wide as saucers. "I don't follow."

"You do the oddest things. You aggravate the hell out of me. You don't fight for your own life. You don't say anything about your past. To be honest, I don't really care about your past. But if you're going to buy something or do something, you don't do it just for the heck of it. You do it for something. There is SOME reasoning behind what you do. I don't care if you divulge anything or not. But if there is any form of reasoning in your brain, I would suggest getting some backbone for a change. If you're going to do something, do it."

Another pause.

Fai bit his lip before saying, as if by rote, "Of course. Whatever you'd like."

Kurogane replied with a curt "Good."

After a moment of silence, he stated, "Do you know when the kids will be back?"

"They should be back anytime now – they said that they would be back before dark with some food for the night." With that, Fai laid down on the floor, pushing the journal to his side before putting his hands behind his head, his eyes looking straight up to the textured ceiling, the looming figure of the warrior within his sights.

"It's not quite dark yet, but I can see how you can be worried about them. You're so sweet, Kuro-chan!" He let out a small giggle.

Kurogane gritted his teeth to avoid yet another lost temper, the magician's nauseating smile just egging him on.

"…Whatever." He turned on his heel, and exited Fai's room. "You should really learn to QUIT the NICKNAMES, WIZARD!"

Fai's giggle evolved into contained laughter – he really did love teasing Kuro-tan. Recently, it had become one of his favorite pastimes.

The past…

From the corner of his eye, he could see the journal just lying there, still open, ready for him to divulge anything and everything whenever he wanted.

He didn't know about Kurogane's viewpoint on journals. He didn't know about Kurogane period. Not his past or anything.

It was probably better that it was kept this way.

No one would be hurt, and no one would be the wiser.

He settled in a little more. He closed his eyes.

But…

Maybe…just maybe….

Not now though.

Not now.

They wouldn't want to divulge in their pasts, so they wouldn't be considered weak or a threat.

To anyone.

To anyone at all.

In the risk of getting hurt.

Or getting too deep in another's past that they wouldn't want to confront their own.


End file.
